The Silent Architect: How I Learned to Stop Standing In My Own Way.

As I reflect on my life so far, I recognise a recurring theme that has dogged me throughout. Despite my capabilities, I have consistently stood in my own way. At certain points I’ve held back, undermined myself, doubted my competence. I have been the silent architect of my own constraints while all those around me truly believed in me. So, what’s going on?

For over 40 years I’ve been actively engaged in coaching, captivated by a simple yet profound truth: awareness changes everything. When we truly see ourselves through self-awareness, we gain the power to take ownership of our actions, break through barriers, and achieve what once seemed impossible.

I wanted to explore this further, so I pursued a master’s degree focusing on emotional intelligence, diving deep into the mechanics of self-awareness, empathy, and how limiting beliefs silently sabotage us.

What fascinates me most are the masks we wear. Whether at work with colleagues or in the pub with friends, we often project versions of ourselves we think others want to see, driven by our deep need to fit in, to feel safe and loved.

Over time, these masks become so comfortable we lose sight of our authentic selves – the person we were before internalising the world’s expectations.

I’ll never forget hearing Ken Blanchard, a pioneer in coaching and leadership development, share this truth:

"We were all born beautiful. The world, with its judgments and expectations, may sometimes make us forget our inherent worth, but true beauty lies in embracing our authenticity. Each of us carries a unique light – a blend of strengths, vulnerabilities and experiences that shape who we are. The key is not to seek external validation but to reconnect with the truth within: that we are enough, just as we are."

What a vision. What a challenge. Because let’s be honest – knowing “we are enough” is one thing, but living by it? That’s where the real work begins.

When I heard Ken speak these words, I was all in. But how do we embrace this in the competitive world we live in? How do we handle that inner voice whispering that maybe “we’re not enough”? Where does that voice come from? Whose is it? It compels us to carry out its command often without question but is it helping or hindering us? Finding answers to these questions, and more, has been quite a journey but when I was introduced to Positive Intelligence (PQ), it was a revelation.

PQ provides a science-backed solution to the invisible sabotage of our inner critic. This proven framework helps rewire the brain, quieten self-doubt, and unlock the clarity and confidence needed to thrive.

At its core are the "Saboteurs", an accessible way to identify and understand those inner voices in all their guises, and how they distort our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Grounded in neuroscience, these patterns are real - and so is their antidote: activating your innate wisdom. By building new neural pathways to the part of our brain that’s naturally curious, empathetic, and creative, we gain the power to reframe challenges. The result? Wiser decisions, clearer perspectives, and a resilient mindset.

This made so much sense to me that I wanted to learn more. I explored the PQ website, reading through all the sections with genuine interest, then completed the free online Saboteur Assessment. It took about 10 minutes, and I received my results shortly after.

I was astounded by how accurate they were - the descriptions of each saboteur really resonated with me. Even the simple examples of how they operate, connected with experiences from my own life. For the first time, I had a clear understanding of these inner critics I'd lived with - who they were, where they came from, how they manifested, and most importantly, how to silence them. I was filled with such clarity and hope that I couldn’t wait to share these insights with others.   

This is why PQ resonates so deeply with me. It’s not just another tool – it’s the missing link between insight and action; a way to identify and quiet the inner critic so we can finally step into our authentic selves with unashamed pride.

As I deepen my PQ journey, I’m truly energised by its potential – not just for me, but for anyone ready to shed the masks and limitations holding them back. This is more than theory; it’s a toolkit for building resilience, clarity and unshakable self-worth. In a world constantly demanding more, PQ’s radical truth is this: You are already enough. Now let’s live like it.

Looking back on my own early adulthood, I recognise now how much my inner critic shaped my decisions, often holding me back without even realising it. Now, as I watch my four young-adult children navigate similar challenges, I see how those same self-limiting voices can cloud confidence and direction.

But here’s what really excites me: Young adults today have more tools than ever to understand these inner critics and rewrite the script. Imagine the power of recognising that critical inner voice before it takes over, understanding where it comes from (instead of just believing it), and choosing to act from a place of clarity and self-trust instead.

I am hugely excited, inspired and deeply motivated to equip young adults with the tools to decode their inner narratives, take back control, and write their own stories, no longer held hostage by self-sabotage, but empowered by self-mastery. Imagine young adults learning these insights early in life. Picture the confidence they’d have to shape their futures and become their best selves.

This shouldn’t be an aspiration for the lucky few, but a genuinely achievable goal for all. Making this a reality is my driving mission.

If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you – whether to discuss how I can help or simply to exchange experiences that shed more light on self-sabotage. Why not drop me an email. chrisloecoaching@gmail.com